Article Read Time: 14 minutes
You are a foreign man (farang) who is intent on dating a Thai woman. You know the rules the woman must obey.
But Thai women don't know the rules. She'd be oblivious. It is common for young Thai girls to don't know anything about what a man wants. Most times, you might well be her first boyfriend, despite her age being in the 20s or 30s.
How does an international traveler or ex-pat get his point across?
Understanding the context of the English language is challenging for Thai language speakers. Find a quiet area with your Thai girlfriend and decide on the single topic you want to discuss with her. You will need to repeat the underlying subject material multiple times until she answers with positive understanding. Continue to ask questions of her until she does.
A long-lasting relationship happens for several reasons: careful planning, rules & consequences, plus transparent honesty on both sides.
Have you reviewed your past failed relationships?
There are common threads of fault in your past. It would help if you got your head sorted to have a better future.
As an employee in a business, you know your role and responsibilities.
The same applies in all relationships too.
Your Thai girl must be made aware of her role. Thai women already live in a male-centric society. She knows men dominate business positions as well as dominating the family structure. So she will already err on the side of subservient.
Make sure she does or pull her back into line.
You don't need to be a taskmaster who dictates orders every minute of the day. Let your new relationship ebb and flow in a calming manner.
Your Thai girlfriend is looking for security and a stable partnership with a good man. But she will make mistakes. And mistakes carry penalties. Does she know them?
You must define what these rules are early in any relationship with a Thai woman. It's easy to find many girls using online Thai dating; this includes the right and the wrong girl.
But you need to start at least and follow the process.
Dating a Thai woman will always have initial language challenges. After all, her native language is Thai, so her English will range from non-existent to that of a school-girl.
But language problems will be OK so don't worry. You only need to exercise some patience and understanding.
Sit her down away from distractions. At your condo, alone, is the best location.
Explain to your Thai girlfriend that you want your relationship with her to last a long time. And you have something to say that will help you both.
Focus more on simple words and sentences. It's you conveying the context of your meaning that's more important.
She must prepare to put aside some time - don't choose a time when she's rushed.
Rinse, test, and repeat for a single subject at a time. Don't over-complicate your talks with multiple topics.
Me: "When you take that medicine?" Girlfriend: "After sleep" Me: "So morning?" Girlfriend: "no, after night time" Me: "So morning?" Girlfriend: "huh, um. sorry ka, before sleep."
The Thai sentence structure is different from English.
Thai people often confuse the terminology of time and the English use of time. In the above example, she was confused about 'After' versus 'Before.' Similarly, AM and PM and even the number of the hour will have mistakes - since Thailand uses a different time-based numbering system.
Thai women get confused. Wrong answers don't mean she's lying to you. Keep asking her questions until her replies make sense or you catch her in a lie.
Keep Google Translate open on both your smartphones for reference. Google Translate is not perfect for English<->Thai translation, but it continues to grow better. At least it is an excellent reference to help understand word meaning.
Thai girls need to follow your rules. Otherwise, you're making an easy life more difficult for yourself. The 3F Rules: Fun, Food, and Fornication. There is nothing more when you're living in Thailand.
Fun with a Thai girl is her making your life and activities a happy time. Does she make you laugh? Is she a joy to be around? Does she even think about what makes you happy?
When a Thai woman wants you to stay with her, she'll ask you if you love her and want to stay together forever. It would be best if you always answered - "Yes, of course, as long as the relationship is still fun." And then sit her down as previously mentioned and explain the context until she understands and agrees.
In Thailand, food is more a traditional past-time than something you do. It isn't what you eat but more about the flavor and ingredients. What you prefer, how it's cooked, and other foods paired with a single dish.
A way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
You want your Thai girlfriend to take care of you and your stomach.
Every Thai girl will always be willing to do so since she'll be an active participant - that's more food choices for her. More choice is a bonus for your girl.
But you're in Thailand, where food is cherished. Don't keep eating bland Western food when you have such a diverse and rich range of Asian dishes on offer.
Tell your Thai woman she's in charge of your Thai food education. You like to be surprised by new food choices. Tell her when you don't like the taste of one and when you do.
She'll modify what she's on the lookout for you.
Best of all is all Thai women also like to prepare your food.
Let's take noodles as an example. My Thai girlfriend knows I prefer egg noodles. She'll sit me down and trot off to the noodle vendor. Once the variety of egg noodles are ready, she pops and back to the street food vendor. She'll add the spices she knows I love. Next is more tasting until the noodle is how she thinks I like, and she brings it to me.
Thai women love to take care of their boyfriend/husband when it comes to food. Keep your Thai girlfriend making your food choices. This rule is easy to follow.
I was always amazed when Thai women said bluntly, "We go fucking, OK?". Limited vocabulary leads to only one or two-word choices. In Thailand, it's either 'boom-boom' or 'fucking'.
But I digress.
If you're a guy dating a Thai, you have a responsibility to lay down the law with 'the sex rule.' Women will invariably try to dominate a future stance using the 'power of the pussy'.
Example: A common female tactic to get something for herself is playing the sweet girl after sex has finished. You're in a state of relaxation. You're more pliable to her requests.
Thai women are more obvious in their tactics than shrewd Western women. You'll spot this from a mile away. Tell her then and there never to try this again. If she wants something, she must ask you away from copulation.
Other than easy to spot mind-games, women in Thailand are incredibly forthcoming when it comes to intimacy. They know this is a primary factor in winning your heart and keeping you in a relationship.
Jeez, shouldn't every woman know the importance of pleasing a man?
Every Thai girl I've been with loves to please when it comes to sex. Many are more inexperienced than foreigners realize. But, more importantly, they are willing to learn, tell you to teach them, and will apply their newfound sexual skills to keep you.
Again, sit her down. Explain what you like in the bedroom. Tell her you'd like to teach her how you want specific tasks performed. Please don't make it sound dirty or crude. Sex is enjoyment for you and her.
Thai women tend to be shy when it comes to sex. That is until you awaken her. She'll be a sweet, demure thing outside the condo but a sexual dynamo in the bedroom.
It's all in the gradual training.
Thailand has a culture steeped in respect of others. It is a healthy cultural balance that maintains strong family values and teachings.
Whether it fun, food, or fucking, you have a responsibility to treat your Thai girl with the respect she deserves.
She's trying her best to take care of you. You need to balance this act by taking care of your Thai girlfriend in the best way you can manage.
One point to note is how a Thai man views a woman's privacy; she doesn't have any. In a Thai relationship, the man has the right to check the Thai woman's phone when, where and how he pleases. By Western standards, this action is a little too hardcore.
But you do have the right to question her on anything you find suspicious and get an explanation. I'm a believer in privacy in a relationship.
I'm also a believer in requesting some access to prove myself wrong but only in the other person's presence (who can provide context). The same goes for my Thai girlfriend.
There's no need for you to go gung-ho and stupid. Jealousy is a losing emotion.
Having a pseudo-Western style relationship with a Thai woman has a range of compromises attached.
An excellent point to remember is if a woman starts on a Thai dating site, she's interested in learning more about foreign men and wants a relationship with you. She will be 'all in' when given the opportunity.
Apart from the fundamental 3Fs of fun, food, and fornication, here are several challenges you'll face and need to sort out the best you both are able.
Cleaning and cooking will be a personal preference.
I prefer to hire a regular maid for cleaning, which runs at 500 baht a week. You're keeping a Thai employed, and this frees up your Thai girlfriend's time to either relax or do some work for you (if you have any).
My girlfriend is responsible for keeping the condo tidy.
Many farangs (Western tourists or ex-pats) like their Thai girls to clean, so it's up to you as to what works best.
The same goes for cooking. I like to eat out as much as possible. The flavors and range of dishes regularly vary, which is a personal preference as well.
But the caveat is Thai women also love to cook and to cook favorite foods to their taste. Remember, they do love their food, made to measure.
You're better to balance eating out and her cooking at the condo when it comes to convenience as well as budget. Cooking at home invariably is significantly more expensive than buying the same food outside.
Your Thai girl will always argue that bought food never tastes the same as how she makes. Go figure. It's not a discussion worthy of argument either. If she wants to cook, let her.
With the male dominance in Thailand, women tend to be quiet and reserved.
Most foreigners prefer a conversation with their Thai girlfriends. Not all but most.
Give your girl permission to ask what she pleases if you live a transparent lifestyle. Or else add some things better for you to keep to yourself - not everyone has an open-door policy.
Just keep her informed, so she understands what's permissible and what isn't. Your life will be more streamlined, with fewer arguments.
There's also her English skill level, which will be sub-par. Does she need formal classes, or is she able to learn slowly as most Thai women can?
You'll be paying for those classes, so that is a factor too.
I love to travel. I'm sure you're the same.
Give her permission to research travel destinations. This ongoing task will keep her occupied, happy that she's contributing, and you both have something more for discussion.
Relationships grow stronger when there's always something to look forward to on the horizon.
Mothers are at the top of a Thai girls' family when it comes to who's most important.
You'll hear from many ex-pats that a farang boyfriend comes in close to the family cat. That's a problem.
If your girlfriend thinks like this, then she's got mindset issues. It would be best if you fixed these.
I'm OK for the mother to remain towards the top. But, the girl is living with me, not her mother or anyone else.
Get the girl thinking of your priority in her life.
Don't ever be mistaken for the family pet!
The casual, relaxed nature of Thai people gives them a reputation of having little memory retention.
Keep reminding your girl she has responsibilities at regular times. Make sure she understands and agrees. Resort to voice recordings of her agreement if you need them.
Her cooperation, effort, and putting time into you and her relationship will pay-off handsomely in the long term.
Sometimes relationships don't work out as intended. That's how life is.
It's common for significant relationship problems to giving the Thai girl three chances of redemption (or three strikes and out).
It would help if you also were weighing the importance of the 'rule' against the consequences of her breaking it. Will her actions cause you short or medium-term pain? Usually, it will.
It's best if you never held on to a toxic relationship, no matter the short-term pleasures you're getting.
Always remember you're in Thailand to 'enjoy the 3Fs'.
There will be plenty of other Thai women who are more than willing to fill the girl's shoes on the way out.
Breaking up with a Thai girl isn't an easy chore but is necessary if you've given her multiple chances and she's not coming up to spec.
She will fight tooth and nail to hold on.
Dump her as nicely as you can, terminate all contact so she doesn't stalk you, and then you move on to a new Thai woman.
Thai dating is fast, easy, and free to join in a matter of minutes.
Finding the right Thai woman does require some effort and grit on your part. After all, if something is worth doing, it's worth doing right.
Just follow these guidelines to land the girl of your dreams in the peaceful country of Thailand. Once you've got her training underway, your life will be tranquil and relaxed. Plus, your sex life won't have troublesome woman games. She'll understand her obligations clearly and concisely.
Now is the time to start, so click the join button, complete your profile with some good photos and find that elusive Thai girlfriend.
A farang (Western tourist or ex-pat) in Thailand needs only remember the 3Fs for dating a Thai girl. Fun, food, and fornication. These three guidelines underpin your environment, activities, and social interactions.
The Thai language is a difficult one. All Thai women have problems with the context of the English language. When discussing a serious subject, always sit the girl down alone with you at your residence. Continually repeat your statements, ask her questions and ensure she answers back with understanding.
Author: Martin Cooney
Enjoying Life in Asia/Pacific
Hi, my name is Martin. I have many friends in and traveled throughout the Asia/Pacific regions for the past 17 years. I am passionate in helping others with my insight and past adventures.
I hope you enjoy the stories I write and take a little something away from them. I've contributed to over 160 posts on travel, dating, marriage and relationships.