Should I Have Ground Rules for my Thai Girlfriend?
You're in a new land and hopefully meeting lots of Thai girls (or ladyboys, if that's your thing). If you are looking for something permanent or just a holiday girl, it is still a relationship.
Why should your Thai relationship have rules?
Thai culture is different from western countries. Relationships in Thailand reflect these differences. Boyfriends and husbands should provide financial aid to Thai women. Ex-pats must define ground rules and expectations on money, time, sexual satisfaction, happiness and lifestyle direction.
Let Me Tell You Charlie's 'Thailand Story' First
Read Charlie's Story first to give you context with 'ground rules'.
Charlie was an average guy from America.
He's in his early to mid-50s, has three grown-up children who have moved out of the home. Charlie is a divorced guy and has had a few relationships with women, from his local community.
When I first met him, his reasoning for visiting Thailand is much the same as many of you.
He's at the time of life when he thinks it's more about enjoying his retiring years. He'd worked hard all his life in the building industry and has always supported his family. He told me he has just had enough of the bullshit he cops from women back home. It feels to him like there's a growing lack of respect towards him, the sex is infrequent and bland. When he does get it, the women were boring, skanky and piggish, in his words :)
Fortunately, he got to talking to a few of his beer buddies. They'd travelled to Southeast Asia, and we're all pushing him towards Thailand. Just to visit and experience a different lifestyle and how the women behaved there.
Fast forward five more months, and he'd organised his visas and was flying into Bangkok.
Most men dream of looking for someone better. Few have the guts to make a move and visit another country to find them.
Charlie arrived in Thailand alone but had pre-booked to meet girls months in advance, using a website such as this one. That's a brilliant and wise thing to do. Plan and execute.
He quickly settled in a Bangkok condo. He organised that in advance too. There was no time like the present for him. Within a few days of settling in, he started going out and meeting some of the Thai girls he had booked previously.
In a few weeks, he met an Udon Thani woman. Long black hair, brown eyes and beaming smile. It wasn't long before he fell in love with her either. What's not to like?
She was 10 or 15 years younger, with two children. Since she had kids to take care of, she never lived with him.
A few weeks into the relationship with her came requests to give her some money. The money was for basic things such as food for the kids, or she was a little bit short for her rent. Coming from Western society, he had believed that he needed to provide some support because he was in a relationship.
Unfortunately, those money requests started coming quicker and for more significant amounts. They were still for reasonable things such as shortfalls in paying the kids tuition fees, or she hadn't been paid herself and needed to pay the rent or phone etc.
He was looking at some blog posts here, and the lights came on.
His mind was in turmoil now.
He loved the sex, but even that was becoming more infrequent, and he was seeing less of her. He started speaking with other foreigners, and he made the decision; it was time to end it with this Thai woman.
He reactivated his dating profile and started again.
He's now met a Thai girl who he lives with and takes care of his every need. Sure, he props up her salary with money, but he finally found the right girl and has a great lifestyle in his later years.
The Basic Thai Groundrules
Every successful relationship has a defined balance of power.
South-East Asian countries follow centuries-old deference of the female to the male. Thailand is no different, and the women expect the guys to take charge.
But everyone does need to play a fair and do their part.
Change your Past & Attract your Future
Any foreign country has dangers.
|7 Obvious Dangers in Thailand|
|Crazy chaotic traffic and drivers|
|Crossing the street - look left & right in rapid succession|
|Beware of crazy spicy Thai food|
|Dirty Street Food - to avoid stomach problems|
|Tap Water - to prevent stomach problems|
|Thai ladyboys pretending to be women|
|Money obsessed Thai women|
Thailand is like any other, including your home country. There's the fast-paced traffic, never drink the tap water and be on the alert with the Thai women.
Charlie's Story is a mirror of many other farangs (foreign guys) who land in Thailand for the first time. Some aren't as fortunate in escaping a toxic relationship with a Thai girl, as he was.
The first thing is women in Thailand are just like other women, only with unique cultural influences.
You need to be on alert to the motives of the women you are meeting.
If you are only meeting women that want your money, then you need to re-evaluate the types of women that you are looking for and attracting.
And the answer to that problem is usually you don't have a defined list of the attributes in a Thai woman that you're wanting.
It might sound a little airy-fairy to some of you, if you're just winging it, you'll keep attracting the types of women you have drawn in the past. You're brain-washed from past experiences. And it is something you need to change in the Land of Smiles.
There's a good blog post elsewhere on this site about MindMapping. Simply put, it's writing a list of the things you want to find in your new Thai partner.
This technique has helped me a lot to rewire the way I think and attract the girls I want in life. There's been many now lol.
Don't Fall for a Good Fuck
Without a doubt, women in Thailand understand they need to give up the goods to the guy. That's good since it's a natural act anyway.
There are many sexually experienced Thai girls and many that haven't had many boyfriends, at all. I've met both during my times here. The inexperienced girls will tell you almost immediately and ask you to teach them more about sex. Refreshing.
Women in Thailand know of their sexuality and the hold that has over men.
They know what men want. You still need to treat them with respect, BUT you should be expecting sex within the 2nd or 3rd meeting with them.
If the girl continues to push you away
- you could change your tactics with her
- or simply drop them and move onto the next girl.
- Either way is OK.
An occasional fuck does not mean you're a boyfriend or husband. Some Thai women have unrealistic perceptions of relationships. Their TV Dramas contribute to this too.
You only have to wander through a few profile pages here to see there are thousands of willing Thai pussies to be had. You only need to take your time in finding a 'good Thai girl' who has your best interests in their heart.
The rest will naturally fall into place, and you'll be in 7th heaven.
Don't Start with the Money Handouts.
'Don't give out money' is a well-known rule for foreigners. Culturally, women expect their boyfriend to 'take care' which includes financial support. You'll find this in most South-East Asian cultures.
Women are taken care of in Asian cultures. Sadly, many Thai women entering into relationships with foreigners tend to take things too far. Having a casual Thai girlfriend has them eventually asking you for money. They use this 'culture thing' as a reason for taking care of them.
'Taking Care in Thailand' is a radical change from your western culture.
In most first-world countries, having a girlfriend does not (and should not) mean there's any expectation of you funding them. She has a job and provides for herself. Coming to Thailand changes your thinking lol
It's perfectly OK to support your partner or wife, providing they're living with you. By that time, you're both planning for your future.
The monthly salary of Thai women with a typical job is around 10000 - 14000 baht or US$330 - US$460. That's extremely low compared to the standards enjoyed in Western countries. You can understand why I've always insisted on paying for food and expenses when I've had a live-in girlfriend.
If you aren't living with them, don't give Thai girls money!### Udon Thani Girls
Having a naked, bronzed, brown-nippled, smiling, slim Thai girl begging you for sex can lead any regular foreigner into wanting to keep her all to himself.
The majority of Udon Thani women fit into this body shape too. Their broad smiling face will melt any man's heart. Their dark naked features will give you an instant boner.
The Udon Thani province is popular with many farangs who've been to Thailand before or looking to settle down somewhere.
There's some background to Udon Thani girls you need to know.
Udon Thani province is mainly farming land. It can be very dry and not produce much at all. The people in this province are impoverished, so their main priority in life is trying to get enough money simply to feed themselves.
I was told the story from another friend who has an Udon Thani wife that she comes from a family of 14 kids. Often during her childhood, the evening meal would consist of dividing a single boiled egg amongst all of them, with some white rice. That's poverty!
When these girls trickle into Bangkok looking for work, they often send money back to their families. When they meet a foreigner, their plan is usually always centred around his wealth. That's just how some people operate in life when they know no better. Other poorer provinces in Thailand can be the same.
Just be careful.
It's a generalisation, for sure. Not all girls in/from poor provinces behave this way.
I've known many Thai girls who have hearts of gold and would never bring themselves to ask money from a casual foreigner friend.
But others will.
Kids? You'll Never be as Important
There's an old foreigners' saying in Thailand about the priorities of Thai girls.
Those are usually in this order:
- The parents and family but especially their mother comes first and foremost
- Their children
- Their family
- Their Thai boyfriend if they're naughty girls
- Their cat
- And then there's you
Dating a Thai woman with live-in kids is not the best idea.
Despite what she says, she'll be time-poor.
Sadly, you come last on her list. Your sex life with her will be limited.
More importantly, you're the lowest on her list of life priorities.
You need to aim higher than that.
If You're Feeling Used, You Probably Are
I'm as guilty as the next man for leaving things run later than they should when it comes to women.
But I'm learning as I go. I'm getting better at trusting my gut feeling.
Fortunately for you, the women in Thailand aren't as sharp and devious is there Western counterparts. When Thai girls think they might be being sneaky, you can see most of their manoeuvring a mile away. You can ditch those girls in a heartbeat too.
It's when you start to have feelings for a girl that your emotions and your sexual desires get in the way. When I first came to Thailand, I was also oblivious to all these ground rules, which is why I'm passing them on to you now.
Ground rules are more of a guide too. Not all Thai girls behave the same. With any relationship, you need to take time to understand better and know the other person.
What's a Foreigner To Do Then?
Keep a Reserve
Suppose you're not in a committed relationship then the No. #1 rule is to always have a reserve of girls, on standby.
It is not chauvinistic. It's just smart planning.
All the Thai girls do it; you should do it too.
Spending a little time every day on the dating site can give you this peace of mind. There is no reason why you shouldn't have Thai girls on standby. You can go out with them, have a few drinks, have a Thai massage together and then onto some perfectly good casual sex.
That's a relationship every ex-pat in Thailand wants.
With no commitment, you keep following the plan you've laid out for yourself.
Maintain your Plan
If you haven't defined that plan, now is the right time to start. You need to have a baseline established, and you can expand upon it as time and experiences allow.
It's essential when you are first starting out dating in Thailand that you go slow.
If you've retired to Thailand or on an extended stay, you got plenty of time to find your special Thai woman. If you're here for a short visit, your time is more precious. And you need to minimise mistakes.
Be cautious, keep going slow, tick off the boxes of these girls and take note of any cautionary red flags. Avoid quickly jumping into any relationship.
Remember: All a good Thai girl wants is knowing you love her and will take care of her. Some girls think it's about money. Other good girls believe it's about her heart.
Always keep a check on your happiness levels.
That's the gut feel.
If you are not happy, then you need to reconsider your current surroundings.
Chances are they're not right for you.
If they aren't, you HAVE to change.
Just Dump the Stupid Thai Girls
If you're like me, in the past, you're probably not used to dumping girls.
In Thailand, if you put a Thai girl out, you can almost always go back to them and be welcomed and restart. I'm not entirely sure why that is but suspect they don't like being alone and don't like losing face about the fact they screwed things up in a relationship with you.
Anyway, that's an option for make-up sex too :)
A word of warning though.
An ex-girlfriend is an ex-girlfriend for a good many reasons.
Given the number of available girls looking for foreigners here in Thailand, you're better off by simply finding another girl.
What are the best rules to find a good Thai girlfriend?
- Change your past & attract your future
- Don't fall for just good sex
- Don't start with the money handouts
- You'll never be as significant as her kids
- If you're feeling used, you probably are
- Maintain your plan & keep happy
Hi, I'm Stephane. I love to travel and experience new adventures, particularly throughout the South-East Asia and Pacific countries. I've been doing this for the last 10 years and love it.
I enjoy helping others learn from the insights I've gathered along the way and from the countless misadventures I have encountered - “Never try, never know” is a solid quote to live by.
I do hope you enjoy my many posts and do let me know if your have any comments.