You're in a new land and hopefully meeting lots of Thai girls (or ladyboys, if that's your thing). If you are looking for something permanent or just a holiday girl, it is still a relationship. So should this Thai relationship have rules?
It can be scary when encountering a culturally different person. You've got confusion with language, food, travel and entertainment. But every relationship needs some ground rules. Even if you're looking for a short term fling, each person needs to understand where things are headed. Thai girls do require extra guidance, for their own peculiarities.
Read Charlie's story first to give you context with 'ground rules'.
Charlie was an average guy from America.
He's in his early to mid 50s, has three grown up children who have moved out of home. Charlie is a divorced guy and has had a few relationships with women, from his local community.
When I first met him, his reasoning for visiting Thailand is much the same as many of you.
He's at the time of life when he thinks it's more about enjoying his retiring years. He'd worked hard all his life in the building industry and has always supported his family. He told me he has just had enough of the bullshit he cops from women back home. It feels to him like there's a growing lack of respect towards him, the sex is infrequent and bland. When he does get it, the women were boring, skanky and piggish, in his words :)
Fortunately, he got to talking to a few of his beer buddies. They'd travelled to Southeast Asia and were all pushing him towards Thailand. Just to visit and experience a different lifestyle and how the women behaved there.
Fast forward 5 more months and he'd organised his visas and was flying into Bangkok.
Many guys dream of looking for someone better. Few actually have the guts to make the move and visit another country to find them.
Charlie arrived in Thailand alone but had pre-booked to meet girls months in advance, using a website such as this one. That's a very clever and wise thing to do. Plan and execute.
He quickly settled in a Bangkok condo. He organised that in advance too. There was no time like the present for him. Within a few days of settling in, he started going out and meeting some of the Thai girls he had booked previously.
In a few weeks, he met an Udon Thani woman. Long black hair, brown eyes and beaming smile. It wasn't long before he fell in love with her either. What's not to like?
She was 10 or 15 years younger, with two children. Since she had kids to take care of, she never lived with him.
A few weeks into the relationship with her, came requests to give her some money. The money was for basic things such as food for the kids or she was a little bit short for her rent. Coming from a Western society, he had feelings that he needed to provide some support because he was in a relationship.
Unfortunately, those money requests started coming quicker and for larger amounts. They were still for reasonable things such as shortfalls in paying the kids tuition fees or she hadn't been paid herself and needed to pay the rent or phone etc.
He was looking at some blog posts here and the lights came on.
His mind was in a turmoil now.
He loved the sex but even that was becoming more infrequent and he was seeing less of her. He started speaking with other foreigners and he made the decision it was time to end it with this Thai woman.
He reactivated his dating profile and started again.
He's now met a Thai girl who he lives with and takes care of his every need. Sure, he props up her salary with money but he finally found the right girl and has a great lifestyle in his latter years.
Every successful relationship has a defined balance of power.
South-East Asian countries follow centuries-old deference of the female to the male. Thailand is no different and the women expect the guys to take charge.
But everyone does needs to play a fair and do their part.
Any foreign country has dangers.
|7 Obvious Dangers in Thailand|
|Crazy chaotic traffic and drivers|
|Crossing the street - look left & right in rapid succession|
|Beware of crazy spicy Thai food|
|Dirty Street Food - avoid stomach problems|
|Tap Water - avoid stomach problems|
|Thai ladyboys pretending to be women|
|Money obsessed Thai women|
Thailand is like any other, including your home country. There's the fast paced traffic, never drink the tap water and be on alert with the Thai women.
Charlie's Story is a mirror of many other farang (foreign guys) who first land here. Some aren't as fortunate in escaping a toxic relationship with a Thai girl, as he was.
The first thing is women in Thailand are just like other women, just with their own cultural influences.
You need to be on alert to the motives of the women you are meeting.
If you are only meeting women that want your money then you need to re-evaluate the types of women that you are looking for and attracting.
And the answer to that problem is usually you don't have a defined list of the attributes in a Thai woman that you're wanting.
It might sound a little airy-fairy to some of you but really, if you're just winging it, you'll keep attracting the types of women you have attracted in the past. That's how your brain has been wired from past experiences. And it is something you need to change in the Land of Smiles.
There's a good blog post elsewhere on this site about MindMapping. Simply put, it's writing a list of the things you want to find in your new Thai partner.
This technique has helped me a lot to rewire the way I think and attract the girls I want in life. There's been many now lol
Without doubt, women in Thailand understand they need to give up the goods to the guy. That's good since it's a natural act anyway.
There are many sexually experienced Thai girls and many that haven't had many boyfriends, at all. I've met both during my times here. The inexperienced girls will tell you almost immediately and ask to be taught more about sex. Refreshing.
Women in Thailand know of their sexuality and the hold that that has over men.
They know what men want. You still need to treat them with respect BUT you should be expecting sex within the 2nd or 3rd meeting with them.
If the girl continues to push you away
An occasional fuck does not represent a boyfriend or husband though. Some Thai women have unrealistic understandings on what a relationship is. Their TV Dramas contribute to this too.
You only have to wander through a few profile pages here to see there are thousands of willing Thai pussies to be had. You only need to take your time in finding a 'good Thai girl' who has your best interests in their heart.
The rest will naturally fall into place and you'll be in 7th heaven.
This is a well-known rule for foreigners. Culturally, women expect their boyfriend to 'take care' which includes financial support. You'll find this in most South-East Asian cultures.
Thailand is an Asian culture where the woman is taken care of. Sadly, many Thai women entering into relationships with foreigners tend to take things too far. Having a casual Thai girlfriend has them eventually asking you for money. They use this 'culture thing' as a reason for taking care of them.
'Taking Care in Thailand' is a radical change from your western culture.
In most first world countries, having a girlfriend does not (and should not) mean there's any expectation of you funding them. She has a job and provides for herself. Coming to Thailand changes your thinking lol
It's perfectly OK to support your partner or wife, providing they're actually living with you. By that time, you're both planning for your future.
The monthly salary of Thai women with a normal job is around 10000 - 14000 baht or US$330 - US$460. That's extremely low compared to the standards enjoyed in Western countries. You can understand why I've always insisted on paying for food and expenses when I've had a live-in girlfriend.
If you aren't living with them, don't give a Thai girl money!
Having a naked, bronzed, brown-nippled, smiling, slim Thai girl begging you for sex can lead any normal foreigner into wanting to keep her all to himself.
The majority of Udon Thani women fit into this body shape too. Their broad smiling face will melt any man's heart. Their dark naked features will give you an instant boner.
The Udon Thani province is popular with many farang who've been to Thailand before or looking to settle down somewhere.
There's some background to Udon Thani girls you need to know.
Udon Thani province is mainly farming land. It can be very dry and not produce much at all. The people in this province are very poor so their main priority in life is trying to get enough money simply to feed themselves.
I was told the story from another friend who has an Udon Thani wife that she comes from a family of 14 kids. Often during her childhood, the evening meal would consist of dividing a single boiled egg amongst all of them, with some white rice. That's poverty!
When these girls trickle into to Bangkok looking for work, they often send money back to their families. When they meet a foreigner, their agenda is usually always centred around his money. That's just how some people operate in life when they know no better. Other poorer provinces in Thailand can be the same.
Just be careful.
It's a generalization, for sure. Not all girls in/from poor provinces behave this way. I've known many Thai girls who have hearts of gold and would never bring themselves to ask money from a casual foreigner friend.
But there are others who will.
There's an old foreigners' saying in Thailand about the priorities of Thai girls.
Those are usually in this order:
Dating a Thai woman with live-in kids is not the best idea.
Despite what she says, she'll be time-poor.
The time being reserved for you comes after everything else she needs to take care of. Any sex life will be limited, sadly.
More importantly, you're the lowest on her list of life priorities.
You need to aim higher than that.
I'm as guilty as the next man for leaving things run later than they should when it comes to women.
But I'm learning as I go. I'm getting better at trusting my gut feeling.
Fortunately for you, the woman in Thailand aren't as sharp and devious is there Western counterparts. When Thai girls think they might be being sneaky, you can see most of their manoeuvreing a mile away. You can ditch those girls in a heartbeat too.
It's when you start to have feelings for a girl that your emotions and your sexual desires gets in the way. When I first came to Thailand, I was also oblivious to all these ground rules. Which is why I'm passing them on to you now.
Ground rules are more of a guide too. Not all Thai girls behave the same. With any relationship, you need to take time to better understand and know the other person.
If you're not in a committed relationship then the No. #1 rule is to always have a reserve of girls, on standby.
Its not chauvinistic. It's just good planning.
All the Thai girls do it, you should do it too.
Spending a little time every day on the dating site can give you this peace of mind. There is no reason why you shouldn't have Thai girls on standby. You can go out with them, have a few drinks, go have a Thai massage together and then onto some perfectly good casual sex.
That's a relationship any and every foreign guy in Thailand is looking for.
With no commitment, you keep following the plan you've laid out for yourself.
If you haven't defined that plan, now is the right time to start. You need to have a baseline defined and you can expand upon it as time and experiences allow.
It's important when you are first starting out dating in Thailand that you go slow.
If you're living here or on extended stay, you got plenty of time to find your special Thai woman. If you're here for a short visit, your time is more precious. And you need to minimise mistakes.
Be cautious, keep going slow, tick off the boxes of these girls and take note of any red cautionary flags. Avoid quickly jumping into any relationship.
Remember: All a good Thai girl wants is knowing you love her and will take care of her. Some girls think it's about money, other good girls believe it's about her heart.
Always keep a check on your happiness levels.
That's the gut feel.
If you are not happy then you need to re-consider the surroundings you're currently in.
Chances are they're not right for you.
If they aren't, you HAVE to change.
If you're like me, in the past, you're probably not used to dumping girls.
In Thailand, if you put a Thai girl out, you can almost always go back to them and be welcomed and restart. I'm not entirely sure why that is but suspect they don't like being alone and don't like losing face about the fact they screwed things up in a relationship with you.
Anyway, that's an option for make-up sex too :)
A word of warning though.
An ex-girlfriend is an ex-girlfriend for a good many reasons.
Given the number of available girls looking for foreigners here in Thailand, you're better off by simply finding another girl.
I love traveling through SE Asia and am grateful my online businesses allows me to do that. Main loves are Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia and just started going to Vietnam.