I've had many friends plan to travel and live long-term in Thailand. Their intention includes finding a good Thai girl, so they live happily ever after. Or so the story goes. Sadly, for most of them, after a few months of living with their Thai girlfriend, things fall apart, and the relationship ends. So does their Thailand 'Dream Life'.
Is it possible for a foreign guy to live successfully with a Thai woman?
There are many differences between a man and a woman. Living with a Thai woman has challenges; amplified by disagreements with her culture, lifestyle and outlook on her future. Foreign men will overcome relationship problems with a Thai wife by instigating precise behavioural requirements; around the areas of personal conduct, sexual satisfaction, household duties and financial aid.
You never really know a person until you've lived with them.
In my first three years in Thailand, I met over 300 Thai women for my usual coffee 'getting to know you' met up, I dated about 30 of them and lived with 3. I'm a picky kind of guy these days and in this country lol.
But I also follow my own ground rules for Thai women, so I have the best opportunity in finding who I want. And that's an important distinction, for foreign men who seem to continually fail in getting the Thai girl they want for a long term relationship.
Thai people are generally very free-spirited and ultra-casual in their thoughts and actions. Most don't have any notion about their long term future, beyond the next few meals.
While that's probably one of the reasons you love Thai women so much, it can work against you if you're looking for a long term relationship with one.
And do you, yourself, even know what your future holds? It might come as a shock that most people have no clue where they want to be in 6 months or beyond.
But let's start with:-
When meeting a Thai girl for the first time, over a coffee or chocolate, it's a good idea to touch on the subject of what she wants.
The majority of the Thai girls you meet will reply with a simple 'a good boyfriend'. If they've had Thai guys before, it's typical they've been treated like crap. That seems to be widespread throughout S/E Asia with local men.
Now is the best time to start looking for her emotional baggage. Start with her past experiences. They'll be both potential warning signs and areas you might need to take extra care around. If she's head-strong and dominant, that might not be what you want. I know most guys prefer compliant, gentle Thai women.
If she's got a job, has it been long-term? Is she looking to advance or change? Go exploring if she's the type who wants to open a mini-shop as that's a common goal - and a waste of time and possibly, your money. Most think having a mini-shop and being a business owner is the path to riches.
Most also fail as they don't have a good head for money management and business principles.
Has she got children already?
Does she want more kids in the future?
Never overlook a Thai woman's want for more children and especially having some with a foreigner. It's a common belief that girls here would prefer their kids having 'western' features as it would bring them better opportunities in life. You only need look at Thai Drama TV to see many of their TV Superstars have mixed blood.
I know my girlfriends' work friends often tell her she'd be blessed to have children with me so they might get my blue eyes and other features. Thankfully for me, she does not want to have children.
Are you ready to cope with another person's children? You would be required to 'take care' in some capacity as well. Another persona's children might mean them living with her and you. Perhaps financial help when she needs money for their schooling and tuition.
As I said in the beginning, don't be surprised if she hasn't got much to say about 'future planning' and that's OK.
After you've done your initial probing, it's natural she'll ask you. If not, bring it up yourself so she has some understanding of what she might be getting into with your plans.
You need to know what your plans are before you go off meeting and trying to find a long term Thai girlfriend.
If you don't recognise what you want, it's likely things will go pear-shaped if you eventually do choose a girl. You'll have no direction. You need to do some necessary planning and map-out some rough guidelines for yourself.
We've covered the dating process in a few past blog posts already. Check these out, take notes and mould the process to your lifestyle and needs:-
If you've found a good girl to live with, congratulations. I mean that too - it usually takes a reasonable amount of time to find someone suitable for your life. Hopefully, you've got some mutual goals in life and talked about them and how they'll work. Most Thai girls are simply happy to find a good guy in life.
You now come to the point of having her move in with you.
Thailand has the reputation of being the sex capital of Asia. Women in Thailand are reserved when it comes to outward displays concerns sex. That doesn't mean they're reserved behind closed doors though - quite the opposite.
For the most part, living together in Thailand, without some marriage agreement, is very commonplace. Do not be conned into the 'marriage first' BS either. Some women will try that on, just to snare a foreigner. Also remember, divorce can be difficult as well. The point of living with your new-found Thai girlfriend is to know whether she IS the marrying kind or at least the long-term variety.
So just ask whether she wants to live with you so you can both know whether you're good together. And take it from there.
I remember when the time came with my current girlfriend three years ago. She said she wanted to take time so she could decide if it was a good idea or not. I simply replied 'You know already, don't you?'. She said 'Yes' and moved in the next day.
The rest is getting comfortable together and working out who does what and when.
You're going to need quite a bit of additional space. Thai girls love fashion and clothes. A lot of it will now be headed your way lol.
You're lucky too, as women in Thailand are also trained from a young age to take care of their man. She'll want to do things to take care of the relationship. Understanding the assignment of jobs is essential from the get-go. They need to know to look after the washing, cooking (if you do that in your condo or house), dishes and general cleaning. I have a once-a-week maid that comes for condo cleaning, and I prefer to eat out, but your preferences will differ.
Keep on them when they start to slip. Thais tend to be far more relaxed; they're in a comfortable environment. The maintenance of their required household duties will eventually wane. Remind them, always. They need to understand and learn about their responsibilities in life.
For the most part, a Thai girl is easy to live with, every day.
In your past failed relationships, back home, many of those problems would have stemmed from a few main areas. You want to avoid repeating past mistakes.
So what's important to you? Is it something like:-
Whatever they are, you need to explain to your Thai girl what they are and why she needs to avoid making them. If she doesn't, then it'll be the end of her relationship with you.
The toughest part for you now is sticking to your guns on this. But you need to be tenacious, or you're going to get walked over and end up with another failure.
Once you've explained to the girl, you need to be on constant guard for the first time she errs. It will happen. Don't let the opportunity slip by either.
Tell her immediately that she's fucked up. Tell her this was all explained at the very beginning, and it's a big problem for you. Does she want things to end right now or not? Give her the chance to explain. There are still language and context issues at work, maybe. I and others have to use the '3 Strikes, and You're Out' method.
I know it might sound childish or even silly to work this way. But it does work surprisingly well.
This method is the initial training you need to get right, with a Thai woman. You can thank me for it later. Keep a notebook of times, places and dates when they stray from the rules.
All women tend to have memory failure when it comes to not remembering the collapse of critical things. You need to be the one maintaining direction and pulling her back into line.
Doing this 'training' from the outset will pave the way to a much smoother relationship with her. There will always be small bumps in the road. But not big problems when it comes to regular and enjoyable sex, showing you respect and doing her duties.
You must remember it's not about creating some sort of slave. Not at all. You want to have a good woman in your life that satisfies you; no BS.
If the Thai girl you've chosen wants the same, she needs to understand what that means and be prepared to learn thoroughly. From experience, Thai women wish to learn about new things and are MORE THAN HAPPY for you to show her and keep her on track.
Don't be scared to try new things yourself. Be tough to get the smooth ride, in the end.
A Thai woman loves to take care of 'her man.'
You won't get the same pampering in your home country that a Thai girl will give you.
Among other things, they will happily:-
They make excellent mothers too if that's what you need. Do make sure she wants to have kids before you start a relationship though.
All in all, it isn't that difficult to live with a Thai woman providing you do some planning, stick to the plan and follow through if she isn't the one.
There are plenty more women in Thailand that are waiting in line to try with you.
What can you expect from a Thai Girlfriend?
What rules should I explain to a Thai woman?
What are good talking points when first meeting a Thai woman?
Lover of all things Asian
I hope this information helps you find what you are looking for in Thailand. So many pleasures to be had that will make your head spin.