Thai Singles - Don't Fall Into the Usual Traps
Thai Singles - Where Do You Start?
Thai singles in Thailand is a bit of a mixed bag. You'll have success and failures along the way.
When I first landed in Thailand, the second thing that I did was to sign up and pay as a full member on a Thai singles dating site. I didn't need to be imposed with limitations since I was serious in finding some Thai girls as prospective girlfriends.
Within a few days of unfettered messaging, I met up with Ashchar for lunch one day.
Nowadays I have some Golden Rules I abide by when meeting a new girl.
But this day I didn't have any golden rules for dating thai girls.
Remember to the female Thai singles you're about to message and meet know the western guys in Thailand are the minority and for them the prize.
So how did I start?
I met Ashchar for lunch at a pleasant open air Western/Thai eating place in central Asoke, Bangkok. It's a good rule of thumb to start with when your meeting new Thai singles – make the first meet in daylight and in a public place. They feel safe it's public and you're in less danger, being new in the country
So we had some lunch and had a few beers. That is now my second rule broken.
I know you'll feel like having a few beers may relax the situation.
My second Golden Rule for a first meeting is only for coffee and maybe lunch, depending on how you feel about the Thai hottie.
When you only make it for coffee and a light snack then it's a far more relaxed atmosphere and if it isn't turning out as well as you had planned you were not bound for a lengthy and settling dinner date.
But I was new in Thailand and we proceed with beers. Well the alcohol clouded my judgement which is why I don't include alcohol in the first date with new Thai singles. We moved location and doing so was new for me because I'm going to somewhere I've never been before. And to someone new in Thailand that is a potential danger. I am all about minimising risk to myself and you should be too.
Anyway we proceeded with a few more beers which obviously loosened each other's boundaries and ended up at my condominium. Ending up in your condo will typically mean one thing; and that is sex.
And my third golden rule is never to invite beautiful Thai girls back to my place on the first date. Thailand as a country steeped in culture and respect, On many different levels. Meeting with Thai singles for the first time is important that you show respect to the girl in avoiding the impression of wanting sex from her. Obviously she knows as well as you know that the endgame is going to lead to some sexy fun but there's this little game that you need to play.
So obviously the first things you need to get sorted is joining a Thai singles online dating site as well as making a list of do's and don'ts that work for you.
Thai Singles - Go Fast or Go Slow?
Once you've joined the Thai singles dating website, you need to kick into high gear. Because you need to collect more than just one potential Thai girlfriend who is interested in you. More is better.
Dating is simply a numbers game.
There is going to be many Thai hotties you are interested in but the percentage of those cute Thai girls interested in you is going to be lower. So the more messages you sent, the greater in numbers that the lower percentage of girls interested in you is going to be.
Important Note: Message Scripts for Thai Singles
Thai girls love to take photos of themselves.
When you find a girl appealing by her online profile, examine the photos for anything that may be unique.
- Make the comments always playful.
- Never rude.
- Never insulting.
- Always playful.
After a few Thai singles dating profiles, you'll have now sent a number of different introductory messages.
Take notes of the different variety. You will amass a number of different ones which you can then slightly modify and reuse, over and over.
Important Note: Secret Notes for Thai Singles
When girls start to reply, use the Rating System built in to Thai Romances.
You'll find this feature a godsend in changing the ratings of girls that become more interesting for you.
Now take a breather, review your Secret Notes and Ratings.
You'll know the beautiful Thai girls to target first as they'll be all rated with 5 Star Ratings.
At this point you may need to slow down a little because juggling many Thai ladies on instant messaging can be somewhat confusing unless you have a lot of spare time.
Thai Singles – Language Challenges
When you read some messages and they make little sense, don't think the girls are stupid.
Don't reply in any derogatory terms.
They'll see this as insulting and probably block you.
Language difficulties can be playful and that's how I've always viewed it.
If you don't understand what your cute Thai hottie is saying?,simply reply 'What you mean?'
- Keep your written messages short.
- Keep each short question on a separate line.
- Don't send them a sea of words.
No matter what level their English ability, a huge mass of English words won't be translated well by Google. You're then unlikely to get a reply from your Thai lady.
Even on text or video chat, you'll find Thai and English chat to be an initially difficult. Until you find out what they're English level actually is.
Again, always keep it playful.
Saving Face with Thai Singles
For Westerners dating a young Thai girl or any women through South-East Asia, you'll run up against issues with them 'saving face'. and it's something the majority of you will have never experienced. I certainly hadn't.
After sending my first online messages through the Thai singles dating site, I became both confused as well as frustrated with some of the responses (or lack of response) from some of the Thailand ladies.
A video description of ‘Saving Face’ is:
As a balanced point of view of Saving Face, here's an interesting comment you should temper the video against:
Very much a Thai explanation i.e 'mai pen rai'.
The fact is it is a very regressive and backward response to social life. The idea that you can save face is rooted in looking good or bigging yourself, your family or your nation … and in order to do so all sorts of lying and bare faced deceits are used to accomplish this. This is in direct conflict with buddhism, which teaches tell no untruths.Hence you have a society where you cannot criticise nor be self critical, be challenged and challenge [particularly authority] and where basic honesty and trustworthiness is absent.
In this environment, Thai people are taught that they are exceptional [bigging up], when in fact/truth they are not. Much of this stems from the post feudal era that Thailand is currently evolving from.
However to suggest that ‘saving face‘ is an endearing Thai custom which 'we westerners never understand as we can never know Thainess[bigging up]' is complete rubbish. We all know what 'Thainess' is about and saving face is one unpleasant manifestation of it.
Unfortunately, it's easy to be misunderstood due to language translation problems and then the saving face issue comes into play.
An innocent comment from you can be seen as an attack on your oh-so cute Thai singles girl and you'll never hear from her again, she'll block you and you'll be left astounded and confused as to WTF!!!
After 2 years living here, I'm still in the dark how you can have a well-meaning two-way conversation with Thai ladies :)
Learning the Boundaries with Thai Singles
Testing boundaries in any relationship is normal. With a western woman, there are less boundaries to be tested since both of you will share common culture and social status backgrounds.
With a Thai girl dating a Western men, you now need to 're-grow your balls'.
You've got two significantly different cultures. You both come from vastly different socio-economic backgrounds as well as education levels.
The differences are like chalk and cheese.
New boundaries need to be established. There's going to be many you're not even familiar with yet.
Just because you wish to embrace the Thai culture doesn't (and shouldn't) mean you give up your own Western values or manhood.
During this initial dating phase, you need to set your own standards. It's vital you don't give way and accept behaviour or demands that you're not comfortable with.
I admit I've succumbed and given way in the past. I paid the price of becoming a weak man when I should have remained steadfast and strong. Once I realised WTF had happened, I terminated the relationship with the Thai girl - there was nothing left to do.
It is an easy trap to fall into when you're starting out with a new Thai woman.
Women are experts at turning on the tears to soften your own thoughts and decisions.
For you starting out in dating a Thai woman, this initial time will be all smiles and happy time. She will inevitably (and maybe even consciously) be testing your boundaries. All women do it, seriously, they freaking do.
The usual areas for you to be concerned about are:
- Areas around money
- Temper tantrums
- And how she can make you feel guilty
I am still learning this shit myself so don't worry.
The few Western guy/Thai lady relationships that I've seen work have done so because the guy has laid down the law, right from the beginning.
They are being strong men.
It has worked because the Thai woman respects them.
We've all become pussy-whipped little boys from the many years of western feminism that's been forced down our throats.
So when the new-age Western guy comes to Thailand, he bends over backwards to accommodate his new Thai love.
The stupid part is this shows you are a weak man who can be taken advantage of. The Thai women can basically get away with anything she wishes or demands.
She'll only need to turn on a torrent of tears and you will freak out, back down and give into her wishes.
Is this what you want your new Thai singles relationship to turn into? NO!
It's certainly true the only way to keep a Thai woman's respect is to not lose yours in the first place.
- Hold on to your basic principles and values.
- Don't be shy to let your Thai girlfriend know when she gets out of line.
It can be tough, no doubt about it.
Here's your next golden rule:
You need to be prepared, if forced, to choose your values over any Thai girlfriend.
I'm not talking about being abusive or violent either. Simply be the strong guy you are meant to be. You must demand respect and give it in return.
Coming to Thailand, you need to give up the weak pussy-whipped Western guy mentality and stand up for your rights and values.
Remember, in Bangkok alone, there are 5500000 Thai ladies to 80000 Western men living there.
It's an easy equation, isn't it?
There are always many cute Thai singles around the next corner, just waiting to meet you.
Running Into Problems With Dating Thai Singles
Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones who finds the right Thai girl on the first date. I'm betting you won't unless you get totally owned by your erection and not your brains and commonsense.
Chances are you will experiment with a few Thai singles before you settle into a relationship and finally have your first Thai girlfriend.
There are some areas you need to be on the look out for though.
These red flags may be innocent with some girls but when more than one starts to stack up then you may need to take a closer look at where your relationship is heading .... or not.
No Time For You
I can't tell you the number of girls I've contacted with the Line application.
Here's how those first batch of messages tend to go:
- I'm Martin from Thai Romances
- How are you?
- Do you live and in Bangkok?
- What do you work
- When you free time
- Where you live in Bangkok?
- You have children?
- Children live with you?
With no word of a lie, what those nine messages tend to weed out for me is whether the Thai lady is going to have any time at all to spend with me.
What's to learn from the answers?
- You'll find out how many hours in a day they work
- How many days in the week they work – some work five, six or even seven days in a week
- And the travel time and distance from where you're living.
- This can obviously present problems as well. Traveling for many hours both ways
- If she's a Thai single mother with kids living at home then any boyfriend is going to be the last priority for her spare time.
It's a strange thing though but every dating Thai lady in the above situations has always thought they can have time for all - unfortunately this isn't the case.
Money, Mind-games and Silence
Have you ever supplemented the income of any Western girlfriend you've ever been with?
Then why would you do the same when you come to Thailand or another country? It's madness.
Sleeping with someone and getting money from the guy is called prostitution - it's not a girlfriend.
Don’t let your girlfriend fool you men are expected to be responsible for the Thai girlfriend’s finances. If she has the nerve to ask you for your financial support, do it because you feel sorry for her being a bargirl or working for little baht.
But once you start, there's no stopping the habit - keep that in mind.
If you make the wiser choice and say 'No' to the onslaught of giving money, be prepared for either temper tantrums or silence. Be the strong man here, take her to task and lay down the law.
She'll either back-down or continue with the mind-game crap. If the latter, you need to kick her to the curb (figuratively speaking only) and move to the next woman in your Thai singles 'pool of women'.Remember, it's FREE TO JOIN so start today and enjoy life more.