Women in Thailand is a bit of a mixed bag. You'll have success and failures along the way.
When I first landed in Thailand, the second thing that I did was to sign up and pay as a full member on a Thai singles dating site. I didn't need to be imposed with limitations since I was serious in finding some Thai girls as prospective girlfriends.
So what are robust rules when dealing with a relationship with a Thai woman? How do I master the typical problems with a sweetheart girl in Thailand?
Healthy relationships have ground rules. Interracial couples require additional directions. Foreigners need to establish clear guidelines relating to financial aid to a Thai girlfriend/wife. Approach new encounters with a cautionry steady pace. Your Thai girlfriend must meet your criteria for a short or long-term relationship. Communication guidance is a must. Foreigners can overcome language challenges with patience and learning the basics of the Thai language.
Within a few days of unfettered messaging, I met up with Ashchar for lunch one day.
Nowadays, I have some Golden Rules I abide by when meeting a new girl.
But this day I didn't have any golden rules for dating Thai girls.
Remember to the female Thai singles you're about to message and meet know the western guys in Thailand are the minority and for them the prize.
So how did I start?
I met Ashchar for lunch at a pleasant open-air Western/Thai eating place in central Asoke, Bangkok.
It's a good rule of thumb to start with when your meeting a new Thai girl – make the first meet in daylight and in public place.
They feel safe it's public and you're in less danger, being new in the country.
So we had some lunch and had a few beers. That is now my second rule broken.
I know you'll feel like having a few beers may relax the situation.
My second Golden Rule for a first meeting is only for coffee and maybe lunch, depending on how you feel about the Thai hottie.
When you only make it for coffee and a light snack, then it's a far more relaxed atmosphere, and if it isn't turning out as well as you had planned, you were not bound for a lengthy and settling dinner date.
But I was new in Thailand, and we proceed with beers.
Well, the alcohol clouded my judgement which is why I don't include drinking on the first date a with new girl.
We moved location and doing so was new for me because I'm going to somewhere I've never been to before. And to someone new in Thailand that is a potential danger.
I am all about minimising risk to myself, and you need to be too.
Anyway, we proceeded with a few more beers which loosened each other's boundaries and ended up at my condominium.
Ending up in your condo will typically mean one thing, and that is sex.
And my third golden rule is never to invite beautiful Thai girls back to my place on the first date.
Thailand, as a country steeped in culture and respect, On many different levels.
Meeting with Thai women for the first time, you must show respect to the girl in avoiding the impression of wanting sex from her.
She knows as well as you know that the endgame is going to lead to some sexy fun, but there's this little game that you need to play.
So obviously the first things you need to get sorted is joining Thai singles online dating site as well as making a list of dos and don'ts that work for you.
Once you've joined the Thai singles dating website, you need to kick into high gear.
You need to collect more than just one potential Thai girlfriend who is interested in you. More is better.
Dating is simply a numbers game.
There is going to be many Thai hotties you are interested in, but the percentage of those cute Thai girls interested in you is going to be lower.
The more messages you sent, the higher volume you send out means, the more female replies you'll get in your Inbox.
Important Note: Message Scripts for Thai Singles
Thai girls love to take photos of themselves.
When you find a girl appealing by her online profile, examine the photos for anything that may be unique.
You need to aim to send different introductory messages.
Take notes of the differences.
You will amass many different ones which you can then slightly modify and reuse, over and over.
Important Note: Keep Secret Notes about Thai Women
When girls start to reply, use the Rating System built into Thai Romances.
You'll find this feature a godsend in changing the ratings of girls that become more interesting for you.
Now take a breather, review your Secret Notes and Ratings.
Now is the time for asking for the instant messaging details which, for the majority, will be either Line or Skype.
You'll know the beautiful Thai girls to target first as they'll be all rated with 5 Star Ratings.
At this point, you may need to slow down a little because juggling many Thai ladies on instant messaging can be somewhat confusing unless you have a lot of spare time.
A word of warning: be aware many Thai ladies use Google Translator when trying to understand and reply to your messages.
When you read some messages, and they make little sense, don't think the girls are stupid.
Don't reply in any derogatory terms.
They'll see this as insulting and probably block you.
Language difficulties can be playful, and that's how I've always viewed it.
If you don't understand what your cute Thai hottie is saying?, simply reply 'What you mean?'.
No matter what level their English ability, a considerable number of English words won't be translated well by Google.
You're then unlikely to get a reply from your Thai lady.
Even on text or video chat, you'll find Thai and English dialogue to be initially challenging.
Until you find out what they're English level is.
Again, always keep it playful.
For Westerners dating a young Thai girl or any women through South-East Asia, you'll run up against issues with her 'saving face'.
And it's something the majority of you will have never experienced.
I certainly hadn't.
After sending my first dating messages, I was confused and frustrated; with the responses from some of the ladies.
A video description of 'Saving Face' is:
As a balanced point of view of Saving Face, here's an interesting comment you should temper the video against:
Very much a Thai explanation, i.e. 'mai pen rai'.
The fact is it is a very regressive and backward response to social life.
The idea of 'saving face' is not allowing others to see yourself in a bad light. But then lying and bare-faced deceits are employed.
Buddhism teaches devotees to tell the truth; lying conflicts with the religion's teachings.
You have a society where you cannot criticise nor be self-critical, challenge authority and where essential honesty and trustworthiness is absent.
In this environment, Thai people believe they are better than who they are.
Much of this stems from the post-feudal era, in days of the past.
Suggesting 'saving face' is an endearing' Thai custom' is nonsense. Westerners don't accept it.
We all know what 'Thainess' is about and saving face is one unpleasant manifestation of it.
Unfortunately, it's easy to misunderstand cultures due to language translation problems, and then the 'saving face' issue comes into play.
An innocent comment from you is an attack on your oh-so-cute Thai girl, and you'll never hear from her again, she'll block you, and you'll be left astounded and confused as to WTF!!!
After two years living here, I'm still in the dark how you can have a well-meaning two-way conversation with Thai women. :)
Testing boundaries in any relationship is healthy.
With a western woman, there are fewer boundaries to be tested since both of you will share a common culture and social status backgrounds.
With a Thai girl dating Western men, you now need to 're-grow your balls'.
You've got two significantly different cultures. You both come from vastly different socio-economic backgrounds as well as education levels.
The differences are like chalk and cheese.
You must establish new boundaries.
There's going to be many you're not even familiar with yet.
Just because you wish to embrace the Thai culture doesn't (and shouldn't) mean you give up your Western values or manhood.
During this initial dating phase, you need to set your standards.
You mustn't give way and accept behaviour or demands which make you uncomfortable.
I admit I've succumbed and given way in the past.
I paid the price of becoming a weak man when I should have remained steadfast and strong.
Once I realised WTF had happened, I terminated the relationship with the Thai girl - there was nothing left to do.
It is an easy trap to fall into when you're starting with a new Thai woman.
Women are experts at turning on the tears to soften your thoughts and decisions.
When you first date a Thai woman, this initial time will be all smiles and happy time.
She will inevitably (and maybe even consciously) be testing your boundaries.
All women do it, seriously, they freaking do.
The common areas for you to be concerned about are:
I am still learning this shit myself, so don't worry.
We've all been pussy-whipped little boys; from years of western feminism, forced down our throats.
They are strong men.
It has worked because the Thai woman respects them.
We've all become pussy-whipped little boys from the many years of western feminism that's been forced down our throats.
So when the new-age Western guy comes to Thailand, he bends over backwards to accommodate his new Thai love.
Women take advantage of weak men.
Thai women can get away with anything she wishes or demands.
She'll only need to turn on a torrent of tears, and you will freak out, back down and give in to her wishes.
Is this how you want your new relationship, with a Thai woman?
It's undoubtedly true the only way to keep a Thai woman's respect is not to lose yours in the first place.
It can be tough, no doubt about it.
Here's your next golden rule:
You need to be prepared, if forced, to choose your values over any Thai girlfriend.
I'm not talking about being abusive or violent, either.
Be the brave guy you must to be.
You must demand respect and give it in return.
Coming to Thailand, you need to give up the weak pussy-whipped Western guy mentality and stand up for your rights and values.
Remember, in Bangkok alone; there are 5,500,000 Thai ladies to 80,000 Western men living there.
It's an easy equation, isn't it?
There are always many cute Thai singles around the next corner, just waiting to meet you.
Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones who find the right Thai girl on the first date.
I'm betting you won't unless you get owned by your erection and not your brains and commonsense.
Chances are you will experiment with a few Thai singles before you settle into a relationship and finally have your first Thai girlfriend.
There are some areas you need to be on the lookout for though.
These red flags may be innocent with some girls, but when more than one starts to stack up, then you may need to take a closer look at where your relationship is heading; or not.
I can't tell you the number of girls I've contacted with the Line application.
Here's how those first batch of messages tends to go:
With no word of a lie, what those nine messages tend to weed out for me is whether the Thai lady is going to have any time at all to spend with me.
What's to learn from the answers?
It's a strange thing though, but every dating Thai lady in the above situations has always thought they can have time for all. Unfortunately, this isn't the case.
Have you ever supplemented the income of any Western girlfriend?
Then why would you do the same when you come to Thailand or another country? It's madness.
Sleeping with someone and getting money from the guy is called prostitution - it's not a girlfriend.
Don't let your girlfriend fool you are responsible for her finances.
If she has the nerve to ask you for your financial support, do it because you feel sorry for her being a bargirl or working for little baht.
But once you start, there's no stopping the habit - keep that in mind.
If you make the wiser choice and say 'No' to the onslaught of giving money, be prepared for either temper tantrums or silence.
Be the strong man here and lay down the law.
She'll either back-down or continue with the mind-game crap.
If the latter, you need to kick her to the curb (figuratively speaking only) and move to the next woman in your Thai singles 'pool of women'.
What are good 1st messages to send a Thai girl?
Keep them simple is always the best way
What are some problems with a Thai girl's character?
Author: Martin Cooney
Enjoying Life in Asia/Pacific
Hi, my name is Martin. I have many friends in and traveled throughout the Asia/Pacific regions for the past 17 years. I am passionate in helping others with my insight and past adventures.
I hope you enjoy the stories I write and take a little something away from them. I've contributed to over 160 posts on travel, dating, marriage and relationships.